Vergil Visits Nero and Kyrie
by Night Companion
Summary: A short sequel of "Here We Go Again" day in the life story about Vergil visiting Kyrie. Nero is put out by Vergil's friendship with Kyrie. Dante is not too happy with a result of his visit and wants payback from Vergil.
1. Chapter 1 So Nice to See You

**This takes place after Vegil and Kyrie are imprisoned together and become friends. Nero had gone to Dante and the whole gang helps to rescue her. In the process, they discover Yamato had taken a "liking to" Kyrie. It is a short, fun (at least, I thought so) story I hope you will enjoy. Nero is a wee bit jealous of their friendship and Vergil's over protectiveness.**

**So Nice To See You Again**

For particular reasons of his own, and a few pragmatic ones, Vergil decided the time had come to pay Kyrie and Nero a visit. With Yamato sheathed at his side, he sauntered in front of the front door with an expensive black leather satchel strapped across his chest.

Nero almost didn't let him in, but unfortunately for him, Kyrie saw Vergil before he could tell him to get lost.

"Vergil!" she cried in delight, "How wonderful to see you. Please, come in."

Nero clamped his jaws together as he reluctantly moved aside to allow the man entrance.

"How are you?" she asked, moving gracefully forward.

"Quite well, thank you," Vergil responded in a cultured deep voice.

Nero was closing the door behind him when Kyrie halted abruptly. She noticed the sword riding against Vergil's hip and took a cautious step back.

"Ah," Vergil noted, "Do not worry, Kyrie. I had a firm 'talk' with Yamato and there will be no more outbursts. You are quite safe." He cut his eyes at Nero when he said this, making the younger man bristle.

Taking Vergil at his word, Kyrie smiled in relief. With welcome, she continued forward, and linked his arm through hers. "Thank goodness. What brings you all the way here?" she asked, escorting him to the living area.

"I came, not only to see how you were doing, but also, as they say, bearing gifts."

"Gifts?" she inquired, motioning him toward a comfortable chair while she sank on a couch across from him.

Taking advantage of an opening, Nero hurriedly sat close by her side.

"Yes," he answered, perusing the house. As Vergil expected, it was as neat as a pin, tastefully decorated with soothing colors and the comfortable furnishings were artfully arranged. Luckily for the two, Kyrie had inherited her brother's large, upscale house. Seeing for himself Kyrie situated in suitable surroundings made him glad he had come.

After deftly swinging the strap of his case over his head, he flipped open the front flap. "First," he started, "This is for you, my dear." He held out a finely crafted small harp.

Taking the instrument, Kyrie responded in awe, "Vergil, how beautiful. Thank you."

"I thought you could use it to accompany your lovely singing. Forgive me, but I did not ask if you could play or if you already had one. If so, I will happily exchange it for something else."

Running her fingers across the perfectly tuned strings in reverence, Kyrie assured him almost dreamily, "No. It's perfect. I do play and have missed having a harp of my own."

Watching her, Nero clenched a fist (and teeth). "Don't you think it's a little much?" he stated, working on not snapping.

Vergil raised a brow. "Not at all. A voice such as Kyrie's should be accentuated. She informed me you too enjoy her singing, do you not? If so, this could be considered a gift for you as well, or am I mistaken?"

Man, Nero hated this guy. _How could he possibly ask Kyrie to refuse the instrument without looking like an inconsiderate jerk?_ "No, you're not mistaken," he mumbled.

Kyrie gave him a radiant smile which she turned on Vergil. "I have no idea how to repay you. You shouldn't have," she told him.

He waved a dismissive hand. "Think nothing of it. If you choose, perhaps you can play for me some time? That would be repayment enough."

If anything, her smile became brighter. "Absolutely," she stated, flattered. Knowing he was being unreasonable, Nero couldn't help feeling jealous over Vergil's fondness for Kyrie.

Bringing Nero's attention to him, Vergil leaned across the table with an envelope in hand. "And this, Nero, is for you," he announced without ceremony.

Accepting the folded paper with furrowed brows, Nero opened the envelope and pulled out a seven figure check. His eyes bulged.

Agog, he exclaimed, "Holy sh... " At a mild glance from Kyrie, he changed his exclamation, "Holy cow! What's this for? Look Kyrie!" Excitedly he showed her the mind blowing sum. Speechless, her eyes also widened.

"That is your portion of the payment for this past job when you helped break into, and destroy, the stronghold. This does not include the various Devil Arms we divvied up. Yours awaits you at Dante's," Vergil informed him.

Dumbfounded, Nero asked, "Is this how much demon hunters usually make?"

Vergil blandly responded, "Do you not get paid for the work you do?"

"Well, yeah. I guess, if you can call it that. I mean, now that the Order's been disbanded, I get a stipend from the city and a bonus now and then," he explained.

With an exasperated sigh, Vergil told him, "Honestly Nero, being paid a pittance for the specialized work you do will not suffice if you wish to care for Kyrie in the manner she deserves."

Holding the huge amount of money in his hand, Nero couldn't snarl, but he wanted to.

Vergil went on, gesturing to the check, "I supposed that will have to do for now, but you must never undervalue your skills, which are considerable. You would be much better off being independent as to receive proper payment for your services. If you are unsure what to charge, I suggest you come to any of us but Dante."

When he noticed Nero's questioning expression, he clarified, "Thank goodness Dante has Trish looking after him. He is terrible when it comes to financial matters. Luckily, he has a reliable agent bringing him jobs. Lady is especially good at finding lucrative work. If I were you, I would seek her advice before doing anything on your own."

Winding down under Vergil's assertion he was an expert in an elite, apparently lucrative field, Nero was amazed. He'd never thought about making money, especially THIS kind of money, for what he'd always done out of duty. Grudgingly appreciating the vote of confidence and praise, he thanked Vergil for the advice, promising to follow his suggestions.

Surprised, Nero and Kyrie realized Vergil wasn't through when he reached into his bag again and produced an airtight, extricate, silver canister he held up for Nero's inspection.

"Now this," Vergil proclaimed in a warmer tone, "is a very special present for you from Trish." He told Kyrie soothingly, "She asked me to tell you, Kyrie, she apologized for not being able to think of an appropriate gift for you since she is not as well acquainted with you. She and Lady, both, hope you will become friends in the future."

Affectionately, Vergil reminded himself he should have known Kyrie would focus on, what was to her, the most valuable, though intangible, offer. Naturally, she assured him, "That's all right. The fact she thought of me in the first place is extremely considerate. If you don't mind, would you let Trish know Nero's gift was more than enough? Most importantly though, please tell her and Lady I would love meet with them. I'd like to become friends too."

Turning to Nero, Kyrie waited expectantly. At her silent urging, he accepted the can. Reading the scrolling lettered label, "White Knight", on the canister, Nero twisted off the lid to uncover golden foil filled with tea.

"Tea?" he asked in a baffled voice clearly indicating he never touched the stuff - at least not hot. Catching the exchange between Vergil and Kyrie where Kyrie hid a smile and Vergil's expression seemed to say something to effect of _How did a woman like you end up with a cretin?_ Nero grit his teeth.

(At this rate, he was going to have to go to the dentist to repair the damage being done to his molars.)

"Nero," Vergil explained, "You hold in your hand a priceless gift. Trish is a Master tea maker. She studied in an exclusive providence overseas specializing in rare, often exotic teas. People from all over the world go there for everything from one of a kind teas, to ones made for medicinal purposes. Trish has created a special tea belonging exclusively to you. No one else in the world has a mixture such as this, or ever will. You have been greatly honored."

"I don't understand. Why would Trish send me a gift like this?" Nero asked, secretly trying to figure out what to with it without hurting Trish's feelings.

Vergil replied, "She said something about thanking you for aiding Lady and the effort you put forth in saving Kyrie. She also wanted to give you a suitable engagement present along with a demonstration of her general affection."

Embarrassed by Trish's thoughtfulness, Nero flushed. "Uh, that's... That's really nice of her, but she didn't have to go to this much trouble. I should repay her somehow. I mean, how much is this tea worth anyway?" At the figure Vergil named, Kyrie and Nero's jaws dropped.

"You have got to be kidding me! I can't accept this!" Nero almost shouted, flabbergasted. Appearing slightly flustered, Kyrie acted as if she was unable to decide how to react. Based on their bemusement, Vergil gathered they were more overwhelmed by the tea than the fortune they'd received. Secretly amused, Vergil found their reaction refreshing. Making a mental note to share the moment with Trish, he knew she would enjoy their response as much as him. He leaned forward with a light grin.

"Listen Nero, let me tell you a story so you can understand a bit better. Once, while in the tea district providence, I came to one of the cafés in search of various types of blends I would enjoy. There was a customer who grew impatient to be waited on. He was one of the Master tea maker's exclusive clients and felt he had the right to come before a regular customer. When he made his complaints known, she calmly told him, so sorry, she seemed to out of his particular brand at the moment, and just like that."

Vergil snapped his fingers for emphasis, "He was cut off. He would never again have his brand of tea. She would never again make his blend for him, and if she had the recipe written down, which is doubtful, she would burn it. Tea Masters memorize their special, one of a kind recipes in order to ensure other masters will not copy them. So the chances of this man finding another master to replicate his tea were slim to none."

He settled elegantly in his chair, "If you wish to return the tea, you may, yet only after tasting it first. If it is not to your liking, Trish will understand, because that is the nature of the business. However, if you return it without even trying it, she will be grievously insulted. Do you understand now?"

Springing up, Kyrie pronounced definitively, "Then I must brew it immediately." Taking the canister from Nero, she politely bowed her head toward Vergil. "Excuse me for asking, but is it acceptable to make this tea for any other than Nero? Also, are there any particular preparations I must do to make the beverage properly?"

Pleased by her questions, Vergil answered, "No, not at all. Simply brew the leaves as you would any other. As for sharing, Nero may share the tea with anyone he chooses. Although, no one must be allowed access to the ingredients. This will devalue the blend as someone may steal the recipe."

Carefully listening, Kyrie nodded. Before she hurried to the kitchen, Vergil held up a hand. Reaching inside one of his inner coat pockets, he withdrew a small container, asking, "If I may impose, would you mind making some for me?"

"Trish made you your own tea blend too?" Nero asked without thinking, "Why?" Hearing how rude he sounded, he swiftly amended, "I'm sorry. Of course she would. You're Dante's brother. I apologize."

"No apology is required. It is a valid question and she did not create one for me because I am merely Dante's brother. That would not be enough to earn such a priceless gift," Vergil reassured him.

Confounded why being Dante's twin wouldn't be enough, Nero trailed an "Okaay."

Seeing his and Kyrie's, confusion, Vergil decided to tell them, "I admit I was quite shocked myself. Truthfully, in all my years of searching, I had never found a master who could produce a blend which pleased me enough to acquire. Trish mixed me a perfect blend on her first attempt. I believe she so honored me as a 'welcome home' type of present and because..." He faded into silence.

Kyrie and Nero were dying of curiosity to know the other reason but felt it would inappropriate to push him for an answer.

As abashed as he could be, Vergil searched for the best way to phrase his explanation. "Somehow, I earned her gratitude by giving her certain ideas pertaining to..." He cleared his throat, "Oh good grief, let me just say it and be done, even though, I know... I know it is a delicate subject."

Now Nero and Kyrie were really on the edge of their seats.

"She made the blend after we were discussing the way in which I was forced to mark Kyrie in a classic demonic manner in order to pretend I had 'claimed' her." He left off there. If they couldn't follow his explanation, too bad, because Vergil was NOT going to elaborate.

Floored, the couple goggled. Then Kyrie read the label on his container, "A Classic: An Oldie but a Goodie". Holding back a laugh, she studied him while Nero sifted through the different nuances hidden throughout Vergil's speech.

Shifting to one side, Vergil muttered irritably, "Dante got to the label before Trish the next morning. I am quite certain she would have named it something befitting. Knowing Dante, I am positive the phrase has a double meaning."

It took a moment, but Nero and Kyrie caught on at the same time and blushed furiously. "Uh, ah, yes, I can certainly see why she... and he... " Kyrie sputtered. Before she broke into flummoxed, full blown laughter, she fled the room leaving Nero wishing to high heaven he could follow her.

Startled by their response, Vergil didn't miss the underlining reason for their disconcertment. Evidently, Nero and Kyrie had also tried the position and found it very much to their liking. Completely at ease with the subject, he realized they were too young, or too human, to be comfortable discussing such topics.

But their reaction got him thinking.

After seeing the results, on two very different couples, based on his knowledge in this area, maybe he should write something like a_ Kama Sutra_ on demonic sexual positions. _The book would probably sell like hotcakes, as the saying went._

Rousing from his ruminations, Vergil gathered his thoughts together and sat up. He ignored the young man's muddled state of mind because he wanted to a talk with Nero without Kyrie in the room. "Nero, why is this house not warded?" he asked seriously.

"What?" Nero said, coming instantly alert, "What are you talking about?"

Vergil shook his head in reproach, "If you are going to reach your potential and gather Devil Arms together willy nilly, you need to learn what these objects do and the dangers involved. Look what happened with Yamato, for example."

Nero scowled, "How was I supposed to know the sword would attack Kyrie? It's a sword, for hell's sake. It shouldn't have done that!"

Crossing his legs, Vergil replied wryly, "No, and it wouldn't have, if you had taken time discovering more about its powers."

Outraged, Nero was on his feet in a split second. "Now listen here bub. As far as I'm considered, that stunt was mostly your fault since it should have obeyed your command instantly. You had a damn good idea the sword was attracted to Kyrie, but you didn't think twice in summoning Yamato and having Kyrie walk past it at the same time."

Vergil grimaced, "I will concede I miscalculated."

Nero growled, "Miscalculated! Why you arrogant... devil! Is that what you call it? She nearly died!"

Vergil glanced at him dangerously. Nero held firm. Appreciating Nero's stubborn (though rash) refusal to back down under his threat, Vergil purred menacing, "But she did not, did she, because I was able to put the puzzle together, is that not so?"

"Yeah, that may be true, but still... "

"Yes. But still, the point remains. You are not providing adequate protection for Kyrie, or yourself, by remaining ignorant of the powerful objects at your disposal, and the ones you will undoubtably acquire in the future."

_Who did this guy think he was anyway? Kyrie's guardian or something?_

Not that Nero minded someone as lethal as Vergil looking out for Kyrie, but her welfare was his responsible, privilege and right. He'd be damned if he let a stuck-up, coldly calculating, know-it-all invade his turf. Before he let his anger carry him away, Nero mentally came to miffed arrest. As much as he hated to acknowledge it, Vergil did know his stuff, and when it came to Kyrie, Nero found he felt compelled to bend a little in order to ensure her safety.

Swallowing his pride without standing down, he aggressively asked, "Whadda you mean by 'wards' anyway?"

Near the end of his patience, Vergil tried not to sound as irritated as he felt, "If you properly place certain Devil Arms, not to mention spells, in certain locations, the house will become safe - not only from unwanted demons, but humans as well. I would have thought after what happened with Yamato, you would have started learning about these things. Ignorance is no excuse when it comes to control and safety."

"How was I supposed to know?" Nero scowled.

"It is called reading," Vergil responded silkily.

With a savage snarl, Nero had enough. Whirling out Blue Rose, he took aim at Vergil. Vergil didn't react, except to comment on how correct he had been about his temper, which made Nero's temperature rise.

_Let's see how fast hot lead speeding his way lights a fire under him. I'm betting he won't be so cool then,_ Nero thought gleefully.

His anticipatory mood did a 180 as, glumly, Nero saw Kyrie walk in just as his finger was tightening on the trigger. Putting her hands on her hips, she reprimanded, "Nero, what have I said about guns in the house?"

Giving her an aggrieved glance, he muttered, "No shooting."

"That's right. If you want to play, then you must go outside, otherwise, our tea is ready." She turned on a dainty heel and regally left.

Nero had the feeling Vergil was silently laughing as he twirled the gun back into its holster. Trying to shrug the whole thing off, he mentioned, "Dante has the same rule."

"Really?" Vergil remarked as he stood and smoothed his clothes, "I would not have thought so, considering how much he loves his Ebony and Ivory."

"Yeah?" Nero asked, glad he finally knew something Vergil didn't as they followed Kyrie to the drawing room. "I would have thought you knew. He said something about being sick and tired of constantly having to repair holes in the walls."

"What a surprise. I cannot imagine Dante complaining about doing physical labor," Vergil observed sarcastically.

Sliding his eyes at him, Nero ventured, "How come he didn't lay down the law for you?"

"Because, my good Nero, unlike my brother, I prefer swords to guns. Though I am positive Dante would disagree, guns require less skill in my opinion. One simply aims and pulls the trigger. True swordsmanship takes years of practice to master, as you know," Vergil informed him.

Arriving at the gleaming table within a cozy room, Nero sized up Vergil - assessing his skills. Narrowing his eyes, he contemplated, "You don't say."

Hearing the speculative tone, Vergil paused. A faint smile reaching sapphire blue eyes closely resembling Nero's, Vergil purred, "Yes. As a matter of fact, I do," letting Nero see the consummate predator within. Nero would be lying if he said he didn't like the promise of a worthy challenge held in those eyes. As he mulled over the implied various implications, the men waited while Kyrie graciously poured and presented the tea.

Satisfied by Nero's willingness to greet his formidable side and his automatic manners in pulling out Kyrie's chair for her, Vergil watched her gracefully sit while smiling her thanks. He wondered if Nero was aware of his instant returning smile and unconscious stroking of her shiny hair before moving to his chair beside hers. With a warmth he associated with Kyrie, (and had missed) Vergil noted she had arranged his place next to her other side to make him feel at ease.

When he saw two steaming cups in front of her, Nero asked, "Hun, why do you have two cups? Are you that thirsty?" Kyrie laughed and the happy sound relaxed the men.

"No. I hope Vergil doesn't mind as I wanted to try both blends."

Vergil was flattered. "I do not mind at all. I hope you enjoy it." One of the traits he liked about Kyrie was she didn't give the usual platitudes which seemed to readily roll off of others' tongues. She simply smiled as if to say she hoped she did also.

After Vergil took a sip from the elegantly molded, paper thin, pristine white tea cup, Kyrie asked anxiously, "Is it all right? I'm concerned I may not have brewed it properly." Nero clenched his teeth, again, at her desire to please the older man and told himself to get a grip.

Vergil smiled at her, "It is perfect. Thank you." Then he turned to Nero who gazed at his cup as if it was a coiled snake ready to strike. "Nero?" he asked. Balking, the younger man reached for the sugar. Blocking his hand, Vergil said mildly, "If I may be so bold, I suggest you try a taste before adding anything to your cup. This will allow you to experience the full affect of the tea."

Feeling Kyrie's expectant curiosity, Nero slowly brought the cup to his lips. At his first sip, an incredibly fantastic explosion of flavors filled his mouth and progressed down his throat to invade his entire being.

"Whoa!"

Vergil gave him a secret smile saying, _I told you so._

Taking a gulp, Nero was in heaven. "This is out of this world," he blissfully declared. Sharing his experience with Kyrie on their private wave length impossibly ramped the sensations to a higher peak as she joined in his jubilation.

Once she steadied under the exuberance of Nero's fading connection, Kyrie eagerly tried the different teas. Carefully allowing one blend at a time to seep into her palette before swallowing, Kyrie focused on the effect they each had. Though she certainly didn't have as powerful an experience as Nero, she could feel sensations particular to each. She also made sure to cleanse her mouth with water between the teas in order to properly gauge them.

Marveling anew at her for having the wit to treat the teas as if they were fine wines (_a fairly perfect comparison_) Vergil asked her, "So, my dear, what do you think?"

She sat thoughtfully before speaking, (_another trait he liked_) "They are both delicious and, how shall I say? Very masculine. Bold, with a variety of textures added in. They are distinctively different in flavor and character. Also, they both have a stimulating quality though, again, in different ways."

"I see you are as astute as always," Vergil told her with approval, finding a peace, he often lacked, in Kyrie's company. Barely able to recognize the emotion, Vergil was startled to realize he felt happy. After his automatic, initial rejection of the emotion, Vergil thought he'd be foolish to ignore such a pleasant sensation and allowed the feeling to flow through him.

He made himself acknowledge he was glad he had the opportunity to visit with Kyrie in a congenial fashion in her own home - where she could be herself and cheerful. Nero did not bother him at all. He may be temperamental, but he didn't intentionally antagonize him the way Dante did. And, so, Vergil sat back and relaxed, enjoying the company, beverage and atmosphere.

With Vergil and Kyrie doing most of the talking, Nero didn't bother asking which one Kyrie preferred as they sat together. He was too busy processing what was happening inside him. He discovered, as he finished his tea, he was calmer, focused and revitalized. Feeling sharp, he thought back on his conversation with Vergil. Although he had been pissed at the time, he realized now Vergil made a lot of sense.

Vergil wasn't only logical, he was also extremely practical.

While Vergil's caring attention to Kyrie put his teeth on edge, he decided he could live with it. Watching them together, it was plain to Nero they shared an affectionate, but platonic, friendship. When all was said and done, Vergil only wanted the best for Kyrie and he couldn't fault him there. A joyful and flourishing Kyrie was what Nero most wanted.

_No. Not wanted. Needed._ He needed Kyrie safe, happy and healthy.

Silently letting the conversation, and Kyrie's laughter, swirl around him, Nero arrived at the conclusion Vergil wasn't so bad. He might not be as approachable as Dante, but he did know A LOT. Maybe he wouldn't mind teaching him a few things.

_It wouldn't hurt to ask, right?_

With this in mind, after they finished their tea, Nero gave Vergil a meaningful smile, "So, Vergil, wanna go outside and play?"

His chin supported in one hand with his bent elbow resting on his chair, Vergil lazily turned his head in Nero's direction - reading him like a book. Slowly matching the same smile, Vergil replied, "Why not?"

Moving in a feminine fashion to clear the table, Kyrie glanced at them firmly while briskly saying, "Have fun, but remember to play nice."

Nero winked at her, "Sure thing, sweetheart."

Completely understanding she knew precisely what Nero intended, Vergil could have laughed at Kyrie's blasé, understated warning. Although he was positive Kyrie knew what "playing" meant, he wasn't certain if her idea of playing nice was the same as what Nero had in mind.

And Vergil didn't mind what Nero's idea of playing nice meant either. Impressed Nero wanted to engage a dangerous predatory surpassing his own, Vergil was game.

In order to keep from harming Nero too badly (which included keeping Nero from harming himself), or distressing Kyrie, he would have to keep this in mind if Nero wished to push himself to the limits of his endurance.


	2. Chapter 2 Dante's NOT Happy

**Vergil is living with Dante and Trish and trying to learn to be more "human." Trish (and Vergil) are obviously not slobs, so Trish and Dante added more floors to his building to create a real, spacious home. That's where the action takes place.  
Let me know what you thought of Dante and Vergil's interaction!  
**

**Dante's NOT Happy**

The next day Vergil came across Dante standing in the doorway of the main dining area with his arms crossed, scowling.

"What is it this time?" Vergil asked him, already bored.

Without answering, Dante nodded toward Trish, humming in her sultry voice, happily arranging a colorful array of vibrant, blooming lilies in a vase.

"So? They look lovely and the scent is quite pleasant," Vergil observed blandly.

"This is war," Dante said, low and vehement.

"War?" Vergil asked startled. Without a word, Dante handed him a card over his shoulder.

Taking it, Vergil read,

_To a Super, Fabulous, One of a Kind Lily,  
This is the best drink I ever had in my whole life.  
I feel great, like, WOW.  
Thank you so much.  
Sincerely, XX White Knight.  
P.S. Vergil told us it would rude to ask for the ingredients and we promise to keep them safe.  
But Kyrie wanted me to ask you, if it is no trouble, if you could maybe teach her a thing or two.  
You would have her undying gratitude and mine too. _

"Oh," Vergil coughed. Discreetly clearing his throat, he asked, "What does the XX mean?"

"Hugs" Dante replied curtly.

"Pardon?" Vergil asked, perplexed. Turning, Dante shoved him down the hallway out of Trish's hearing. Curious, Vergil allowed him to guide him backwards.

Once out of range, Dante explained, "You put X's and O's on a letter or card to mean hugs and kisses. You know how you blow someone a kiss? Nero has, like, blown hugs Trish's way."

"I see," Vergil said thoughtfully. Unable to resist, he inquired, "I see two X's. Does that imply hugs as in plural?"

Scowl deepening, Dante wryly remarked, "Noticed that, did you?"

Vergil dug the knife in deeper by casually saying, "Based on Trish's reaction, I would say Nero, unless he does something very wrong, now has his own brand of tea for life."

"Ya think?" Dante retorted, irked. Growling, he crossed his arms again while tapping one heel against the floor in agitation, "I would beat the kid bloody, but the damnest part is I don't think he has a clue what he's doing."

Strolling past them with a flick of her arm brushing her long hair back over her shoulder, Trish smoothly warned, "Dante, nothing better happen to my flowers, or I will, as you eloquently phrase it, fry your ass," on her way out.

Dante fumed.

Vergil commented, "That is quite a woman you have there."

"Don't I know it," Dante snapped. Upon hearing the front door close, he rounded on Vergil, "OK. What'd you tell them?"

Vergil looked as innocent as he could. "Why just what the note said. I said nothing about favors given or asked for."

Dante heaved a heavy, "That's what I was afraid of. The kid's a natural. I knew it. If he wasn't taken, I'd be really worried."

Nettling Dante was too irresistible to pass up and putting on his most studious expression, Vergil mused, "Humm, you mean he naturally knew to request your attached female mentor his female? Really, Dante, you should be flattered."

Dante snarled, "Yes, damn all demons. And no, I'm not flattered, at all. Don't you get it? This is WAR."

Vergil admitted, "No, I do not understand."

Whirling around with his arms spread, Dante explained, "Look, all the women just love Nero. You should see them. They're all over him, practically cooing and petting him, and the worse part is the punk's oblivious. Hell, Lady hasn't even shot him, once."

Honing in, Vergil discovered he was finding out all kinds of interesting information. "I take that statement to mean Lady has shot you?" he asked, surprised to find himself a little envious. If she shot at him (_not that he would allow her to make her target_), he would know at least Lady was making some effort to get his attention.

"Not once, brother of mine, but many, and that would include that odious missile of hers."

"What about Trish?" Vergil wanted to know.

"As a matter of fact, Trish has stabbed, shot and electrocuted me," Dante groused.

"My, you certainly have a way with the opposite sex," Vergil mildly observed.

"Yeah, well, I seem to recall you being at the receiving end of that missile, too," Dante reminded him.

Vergil rebutted, "I surmise at the time Lady was trying to turn my focus on her rather than kill me."

Thinking back, Dante could see where that could've been the case. Nevertheless he did inform Vergil confidently, "Believe me, if she could have finished you off, she would have," before morosely stating, "Regardless, face it, compared to Nero, we suck when it comes to women."

Affronted, Vergil responded stiffly, "I beg to differ. Kyrie likes me."

"Yeah, she likes you, but she LOVES Nero. See?"

Vergil huffed, "You still have not explained this war business to me. It is only a bunch of flowers and a note of thanks. I fail to see what has you in such a state."

"SHE has me in such a state. Women drive men crazy." Long legs pacing restlessly, Dante clarified, "Look, it's like this. I've seen men fall all over themselves for Trish. They've sent poetry, exotic flowers, expensive chocolates. One idiot even tried singing her a love ballad."

Dante visibly shuddered.

"That bad?" Vergil asked.

"You have no idea. It's a good thing I can put a bullet through a flying dime 'cause I tossed an apple down the squawking turkey's gullet from across the room of a crowded club with no one the wiser." As Dante painted a clear picture, Vergil had to hold onto his quivering stomach.

His brother ranted on, "And not once, not once, did she turn a hair. Trish was totally unmoved by any of it, except she might get annoyed now and again. But nooo, Nero appears on the scene with the perfect bouquet to give her and a friggin note with words like 'super fabulous' and 'great like wow.' I mean, come on, what kind of guy signs with X's? And another thing. Where does he get off calling her Lily? She's MY Lily. I'm the one who calls her that. Twerp."

Hilarity beginning to rise, Vergil had to stop Dante before he lost control (and his dignity). Lips twitching, Vergil broke in, "I am sure the boy was simply speaking sincerely versus trying to impress her with cliched' phrases and artificial trappings."

Unintentionally Vergil set Dante off and he went on a tirade, "That's just it. That's why they all love him. He's so Goddamn sincere without trying to be, they eat it up. REAL women can smell a fake a mile away. THAT'S why it's war and I'm totally screwed. THAT'S why I can't go pound the little shit into the ground because he wouldn't know why. He'd just give me a, _'_Huh? What'd I do?' There's no fun in beating up a clueless dweeb."

In an attempt to calm Dante, Vergil injected thoughtfully, "I see your problem. How can you possibly hurt Nero for being himself and properly thanking Trish for the considerable honor she bestowed on him?"

Dante gestured dramatically, "Now you got it."

"Can you not divert Trish with particularly prized favors? After all, you are intimate with her, not him," Vergil offered.

Falling back in a sturdy chair, Dante explained, "If only it was that easy. See Vergil, this is the hard part and why I use the term war in love. You can't fight with your guns or sword. You have fight with your emotions and brains. Now both you and I can figure out the mental part, eventually, but you have to admit when it comes to feelings, we're both pretty messed up."

"As much as I hate to agree with you, I find I am forced to in this case."

"Thank you," Dante drawled sardonically. Completely aggravated, he bemoaned, "I cannot BELIEVE a smartass kid showed me up. I mean, my idea of a good date is taking Trish demon hunting."

"Showed you up?" Vergil asked, "I am unfamiliar with this term. When it comes to you, I am thoroughly knowledgeable of the term, 'showoff.' Is this similar in context?"

Dante shot him a dirty look, "Hey! I've seen you make some pretty fancy moves yourself." Crossing his arms, Vergil raised a brow. Mumbling, Dante uttered, "Jerk. Do you have to be a such a spoilsport?"

"Though I have often attempted to spoil how you play sports, to no avail I might add, you are evading the question."

Smirking at the "no avail" comment, Dante sent a mental, _"So? Give up already 'cause I ain't changin."_

When his message had no effect on Vergil's insistent stance or demeanor, Dante grudgingly muttered, "Nero's made me look bad in front of Trish."

"Made you look bad? How?" Vergil inquired.

Reluctantly Dante admitted, "The kid's made me lose face by being more 'thoughtful' than me."

Wanting knock his brother upside the head, Vergil told him sternly, "Thoughtful? By buying Trish flowers and showing her courtesy, he 'showed you up'? You should be ashamed of yourself Dante. I would have thought you had learned to be courtly."

Dante attacked, "I don't need any lectures from YOU."

Discounting him, Vergil waved an indifferent hand, "We are not discussing me, but you, and your asinine talk of love and war. It is obvious to me, if you cannot combat Trish appreciating a batch of flowers, you are not showing her the proper affection she deserves."

At this little observation, Dante saw red._ Thanks loads Vergil for salting the wound._

Craving payback, Dante took aim at his brother. Woefully, he agreed, "You hit the nail on the head," before nailing a hit to Vergil's head, "Women want men who are 'sensitive' to their feelings."

As this piece of information registered, Vergil paled. Feelings were not his specialty. If he couldn't decipher his own, how on earth was he supposed to understand someone else's? And not just anyone's, but someone of a different gender?

Sensing he'd scored, Dante inwardly beamed. Outwardly concerned, he nodded gravely, and without engaging brain, went to the extreme, "Yeah. Talk about mind pretzeling. Not to mention, downright unnatural. Let me let you in on something. Some women even like guys who cry."

Hearing the words coming out of his mouth, Dante could NOT believe he what he said. _Was he actually setting HIMSELF on boggy ground? _

Instead of Vergil's, Dante had yanked his own chain. That hadn't been the plan._ Oh man, he was worse off than he thought._

Sharing a mutual look of abject horror with Dante, Vergil exclaimed, "Never say so!" He could not believe what Dante had said. _No way._ There was NO WAY he could to do THAT.

Trying to salvage his blunder, and still rattle Vergil's cage, Dante amended, "Sorry to enlighten you, but that's one way of being considered 'sensitive.'"

"Not all females feel this way, surely," Vergil asked dead serious, because he'd definitely eat a bullet (if he had the chance) from a certain someone than contend with the unimaginable alternative. Disarrayed, Vergil forgot himself and asked, "Are you saying Nero has cried in front of Kyrie? And what of you? Surely you cannot cry and Trish still remains by your side."

Not about to address the second half of his question, Dante could answer the first while reveling in Vergil's angst. _Misery loves company,_ he thought piously, _Let's spread the love._ "Hate to break this to you, but yeah, Nero's cried. Are you forgetting his reaction when Kyrie got hurt?"

Bursting Dante's balloon, Vergil replied in slight relief, "If that is what you mean, then I feel I cannot fault the boy. After all, it was a traumatic experience. He is not only young but humanized."

Glumly, Dante concurred, "That's what the women thought, too. Dammit. Too bad he's not a big baby."

"Baby? Do you mean Trish and Lady would look down on a male crying over less important things?" Vergil responded with a hint of hope. He had no use for weak women, as he saw them, who would enjoy being with, what he considered, a weak male who would cry at the drop of the hat. Surely Lady would never appreciate such a man. God knew he may not be the greatest judge of character, yet even he couldn't be that mistaken when it came to Trish and Lady.

Heaping obscenities on Vergil's standards, and brain which cut to the nitty gritty, Dante was disgruntled. He'd missed his mark but he figured not by much. Deciding he'd better take another route at jabbing Vergil while he was still unnerved, he conceded, "You're on the mark. Trish and Lady would definitely be disgusted by a guy who cried for no good reason."

Almost letting out a breath he hadn't known he was holding when he found out he wouldn't have to eat any bullets, Vergil didn't realize (but should have) Dante wasn't finished trying for a bull's eye.

Steering clear of the emotional minefield, Dante switched course, "In cases like this, if I was to do something romantic, or whatever, Trish would see right through me."

_So?_ Vergil thought.

"You gotta be sneaky, or it doesn't count of the female scale of being romantic. They want you to be spontaneous but subtle. Like you hadn't planned anything. Y'know, like a surprise or something."

Listening to Dante, Vergil could not fathom why this "sneakiness" was necessary. Though he was familiar with and enjoyed the chase, he quickly grew bored once he captured his carefully selected prey. Because of his diligence and standards, Vergil hadn't progressed into (or wanted) the "relationship" phase. All things considered, he supposed if one did move forward, as Dante had, it seemed logical the rules would change - and the rules apparently multiplied and grew more complex_. Egads._

Feeling how in the dark Vergil was, Dante deliberately refused to enlighten him. Seizing the moment to take his twin on another head spinning ride by changing tactics, he moved to a different arena, "Hey look, that's probably too much to cover, since it's endless. Though I can give you the heads up on certain things, if you want. What say we go with something easier - like the mental part?"

When he saw Vergil's relief, Dante inwardly rubbed his hands in anticipation as he educated Vergil, "I'll give you an example. Women don't want you protecting them in anything, unless they signal you, then you can take action depending on the situation."

"For instance?" By this time, Vergil was across from Dante, engrossed. (Why he was taking into account his brother's advice was a mystery to him.)

"Let's say you're walking down the street with a woman, any woman, even Kyrie say, who you are fond of, but not involved with, and a bunch of guys start whistling at her. What do you do? Our first instinct is to go over and teach them some respect, right?"

When Vergil nodded, Dante shook his head, "Wrong. You give them the evil eye. If they become aggressive then you get to have some fun, but no killing. It's much more humiliating to a human male who thinks he's tough to be beaten bloody, especially if he's armed. Man, I LOVE that. Too bad it doesn't happen very often."

Mentally rolling his eyes, Vergil could see Dante's point. Death was permanent and caused complications with the human authorities, whereas pain, administered correctly, lasted a while and left a lingering impression. As far as the authorities went, it all depended on who threw the first punch. Coming to a conclusion, Vergil decided Dante's way had merit.

Bringing pain and humiliation would be much more satisfying than making a pathetically easy kill, only to then have the tedious task of dealing with the legal system.

As Vergil grudgingly gave his methods just due, Dante raised his hand in the shape of a gun, "There you go. Here comes the hard part."

_Good grief, it gets more difficult?_ was all Vergil could think.

Unrepentant, Dante was relentless, "There's the joy and thrill of dealing with the complexities of the female moods and mind. Gack! For instance, let's say you notice something's bothering them and ask what's wrong, and they say 'nothing,' so you let them be and leave it alone. Bad move. Even though they're saying 'nothing,' depending on their tone, there's a strong likelihood they're thinking, 'please come over here, force it out of me and either fix it or comfort me.'"

Wondering how many ways one could phrase a single word, Vergil distantly heard Dante add, "And God help you if you forget an anniversary, or birthday, or some other weird, important date to them."

Vergil voiced a pained, "Dante, I do believe I have the beginnings of a headache."

Suddenly aware of his mounting self-pity, (placing him squarely in the pathetic category) and sensing Vergil striving to wander through the maze he was drawing, Dante realized he had unsheathed a double edged sword slicing both sides. Depressed, he discovered he was bonding with Vergil. Dante resigned himself to blaming the women. In his mind, this must be another byproduct of female deviousness.

"Welcome to my world, Vergil," he said gloomily.

Starting to sympathize with his brother, Vergil sought reason from their conversation, "But Dante, I do not understand. If you are terrible with women, why do they remain close to you?"

Dante blew out a long stream of breath, "Beats me Vergil, and that's the truth. Especially when I get yelled at all the freakin time and constantly used for target practice."

Confounded, Vergil could not imagine why Dante allowed himself to be treated in this manner.

Grumbling silently, Dante was thinking along the same lines. Pausing, he thought if maybe he couldn't successfully use Vergil to work out his problem, and being pissed off in general, he could see how the other shoe fit on the thorn in his side.

Sliding his eyes toward Vergil, he asked slyly, "Anyway, how did Nero handle your visit?"

Vergil looked at him in surprise, "What do you mean?"

"I mean," Dante grit impatiently, "how did Nero react to your gift and friendship toward Kyrie?"

"Oh, that," Vergil said.

"Yeah, THAT," Dante ground out, wishing his brother would open up.

"Well," Vergil pondered, "At first he did seem to be a tad, as you would say, put out, or jealous, perhaps. I am not sure."

_Now they were getting somewhere._

Dante prompted him, "You're not sure?"

"Human emotions are difficult to gauge, though I will try," Vergil started again, "I think he was not happy with the gift I gave Kyrie, but when I pointed out the logic to him, he appeared to accept it."

"Go on." Dante felt he was pulling teeth.

"Then, when Kyrie showed me courtesy, he became slightly aggressive. Nothing overt mind you. However when I explained the reasons he should learn and do more to protect himself and Kyrie, he did become angry. He went so far as to pull his gun."

"Really?" Dante urged him on gleefully - glad to know he wasn't the only one suffering.

"Yes. Then Kyrie came in. She lightly chastised him and he holstered it."

Cheered, Dante asked smoothly, "Chastised him, huh? And he immediately obeyed her? Anything else she chastise him about?"

"Now that you mention it, when he saw the amount of his share of this last job he was going to say a crude word, but a simple look from Kyrie made him change his wording."

Feeling better by the moment, Dante practically crowed, "She's got the kid on a short leash, huh?"

Vergil appeared puzzled, "Leash? I saw no leash. Kyrie would never do such a thing."

"No, no, no," Dante waved his hand, "I mean she's got him wrapped around her dainty little finger." Attempting to grasp Dante's meaning, Vergil's brows drew together, .

Groaning, Dante explained, "I mean she knows how to keep his behavior in line."

Vergil's expression darkened - suggesting Nero would be most wise to watch his behavior and listen to Kyrie.

Seeing this, Dante held in a laugh, _Poor Nero. Not only did he have to watch himself with Kyrie, now he had to contend with Vergil._

Then his mood plummeted when Vergil commented, "Be that as it may, you might be intrigued to know once we had our tea, Nero asked me for instruction in the proper use of the sword."

"He did what?" Dante asked, stunned by the kid's bravery.

"Yes," Vergil nodded, reading his brother's mind, "I was impressed by his courage as well. I knew he knew I was the superior. Even though he did not directly ask me, I clearly understood he wished to be educated rather than simply test me."

"Call me amazed," Dante whistled, "I knew Nero was a sponge. God knows there were times I wanted to stick a sock in his mouth to shut him up. But after what happened with Kyrie, I wouldn't have thought he'd ask you for training."

"I was startled as well, yet pleased to find he is rather adept and eager to learn. No matter how often I struck him down, he would get up and ask me to show him the technique again. Impressed, I admired his determination. He would repeat an exercise no matter of how long it took for him to master the maneuver. I found I enjoyed instructing the boy. It is rare to have a willing student."

"Especially for you, since you have a tendency to bore easily, and set some high standards," Dante observed caustically. Leaning back, Vergil gave him a _just so _wave.

Abruptly, Dante did an about face and snarled sourly, "Thanks a lot. You made my situation worse."

"What? Why?" Vergil asked, taken aback by Dante's mood swing and accusation. (Vergil mentally berated himself for being taken off guard. This was Dante he was talking to.)

Dante grouched, "You just proved my point about the kid being able to emote without being a wuss. After all, you're the mean one in the family. If Nero's brave enough to take you on, then the women know for sure he's not a wimp."

Mimicking Dante, it was Vergil's turn to snarl, "Thanks a lot. I do not appreciate being labeled as mean when I have done nothing to deserve being called so. Though I do thank you for saying by giving my attention to the young man he is seen as brave."

Vergil scored.

Dante grimaced, "Alright already. You're right. Sorry. There. Satisfied? Maybe I should be blaming the damn tea."

Unappeased, Vergil sneered haughtily, "At least the BOY could put aside his jealousy, if that is what it was, and act like a MAN, instead of blaming the tea, of all things."

Dante erupted, "Are you trying to imply some punk kid is more of a man than I am?"

Casually studying his nails on a loose fist, Vergil smoothly stated, "I do not believe I was trying. You heard me."

"Why you... Come over here and say that to my face," Dante threatened.

Giving him a mild glance, Vergil remarked, "I believe I just did."

As Dante rose in dark menace, Vergil took a page from Kyrie, "Ah ah, Dante. Remember what Trish said about no wrestling in the house."

When Dante immediately ceased his forward momentum, Vergil smirked. "It appears Trish has you on a short leash as well." Thrown off course, and mad as a wounded bear, Dante had a pronounced impulse to ignore the house rules.

"Prig. Just wait 'til I get you outside, then you'll be sorry."

"It is not my fault you are in such a dander over something so minor. If you are insecure in your relationship, it is not my problem," Vergil retorted.

Dante floundered, "I'm not insecure. Women like their men to be a little jealous."

"A little?" Vergil quirked a brow.

"Alright. Maybe I'm overreacting, but, shit, this relationship stuff can be tough."

Vergil could agree with him there. He, personally, would rather be raked over hot coals than be in a relationship. Vergil preferred short, _(as in, VERY short_) term, intimate encounters.

Suddenly his mind blanked.

_Wait._

What exactly was he contemplating in regards to the object of his present interest?

_Hellfire and brimstone. This one was different - and that was not good.  
_

From Vergil's profound stillness and shock, Dante could tell he had arrived in a not too pleasant place.

_Good._

Primed and ready, Dante hoped his jab would put a cherry on top his sundae. "Appears to me, Trish's got you on a tight leash too," he said wickedly.

Shaken by his own revelation, Vergil asked warily, "What are you blathering about?"

"I don't see you breaking any house rules or going against anything Trish wants," Dante purred silkily.

Regaining his composure, Vergil proclaimed firmly, "Trish's rules are easy to follow, practical and logical. Moreover, I would be demonstrating disrespect if I went against her wishes in her own home."

Eyes widening, Dante clutched his sides before falling gracefully on his back, howling. Vergil slit his beguiling eyes at his ridiculous brother rolling back and forth in laughter, on the floor no less.

"What's so funny?" Vergil hissed, positive he was being made the butt of one of Dante's warped jokes.

Gasping, Dante looked up with crystalline eyes brightly glittering, and said, "Nothing."

Vergil's eyes darkened. Dante may have been already on the ground, but Vergil had no problem giving into his impulse to kick him. Unfortunately for Dante, when Vergil kicked someone when they were down, they stayed down.

Trying not to yelp, Dante hollered, "What was that for? I thought we said no wrestling in the house."

Vergil growled, "You lied to me. You just said 'nothing' after explaining this 'nothing' business to me. I'm not dense. Your 'nothing' was not the one you described before. You think you can play me?" Pulling himself together, Vergil adopted a mocking superior attitude, "As far as maintaining the house rules, we are not wrestling. Unless something changed when I was not looking, you are the only one on the ground. Does it not take two to wrestle?"

Glaring at Vergil's smug expression, Dante was stuck between a numb leg and an irate Vergil. In a tight spot, he decided to make a peace offering. "OK. OK. So I maybe wasn't totally forthcoming. 'Nothing' can be used in a variety of situations for a variety of reasons. Come on. Give me a break."

Vergil leaned in hissing, "Oh, I'll give you a break alright."

Dante's eyes sharpened. There was no missing Vergil wasn't kidding. His mistake was his big mouth and Vergil's literal mind. On the lookout, Dante waited. When he saw him move, Dante swiftly yanked Vergil's leg out from under him. With tremendous satisfaction, Dante heard Vergil hit the floor, flat on his back next to him.

Readying himself for the retaliation he was sure to come, Dante instantly stilled and inwardly winced. With his luck, he should have known. Of all the times to show, Trish abruptly appeared on the scene.

Her hands on her hips, Trish surveyed them while admonishing, "Dante. What have I said about wrestling in the house? Yet here you are. Grown men, acting like children."

In keeping with his luck (and mouth), Dante heard himself retort an annoyed, heated, "Everything's cool. You can relax. Don't be getting all uptight and lathered up. And so help me God, don't you even think of treating me like some kid. We clear? Or do I have to spell it out in capital letters?"

_Oh shit! What the fuck?_ _Did he just mouth off to Trish? Did he just say what he thought he said?_

If Dante could have moved to shoot himself in the head, he would have.

_How'd he get in this mess in the first place?_

_Oh. Right._

He'd been a dumbass, as his oh so clever brother pointed out, by getting jealous over a bunch of flowers and a thank you note... from a kid.

_Could he be any more idiotic?_ Dante didn't think so. At least he hoped not.

Feeling the burn of the hot water he was in, Dante was absolutely aware he now had to come up with a two for one. Maybe even a three-for, or four-for, because Trish's glower could've melted metal sixty miles away.

Holy hell, one romantic strategy was bad enough. Coming up with more was... He balked at the sheer magnitude of the undertaking. Maybe he should swallow his pride and ask Nero for a few pointers?

Aghast he came up with this desperate plan, Dante blanched_. Over his lifeless corpse_ - which might be precisely what Trish had in store for him. Moreover, Nero would laugh his ass off if he knew and Dante would be forced to kill him on principle alone.

_He'd take death._

Ominously ignoring Dante for later personalized attention, Trish slit her exotic eyes at Vergil, "Vergil, I thought you, especially, would understand the need for order and respect for my things."

Vergil, unlike his idiotic brother, was clever enough to know which side his bread was buttered on and meekly replied, "Yes, Trish. You are absolutely correct. Please accept my sincerest apologizes."

Dante wanted to wring his neck when Vergil said exactly the right thing in exactly the right tone to appease Trish.

Nevertheless, Dante wasn't about to lose sight of his main objective. Seeing a way out, and hoping Vergil would put him out of his misery before Trish got a hold of him, Dante caught Vergil's eye and, indicating Vergil, made a sign of a choke collar around his neck.

Knowing what Dante was up to, and thoroughly wanting him to get his, Vergil merely lightened his eyes to a dangerous ice blue. Gazing at Dante, Vergil silently indicated when they got outside, Dante would be the sorry one.

Ecstatic to see Vergil ready to rumble, Dante was all green lights. _Let's party._ Fighting he could handle.

Bringing their attention back to her, Trish demanded sternly, "Who started this ruckus?" Unhesitating, they immediately pointed at each other. Bewitching eyes narrowing suspiciously, Trish asked silkily, "And what was this all about?"

Vergil and Dante looked at each other, and then at Trish. Reaching the same conclusion at the same time, neither could think of how to explain without looking like complete morons.

Things being what they were, all animosity was momentarily pushed aside as they answered in unison, "Nothing."


End file.
